The Five Guys Post: if you gain weight reading this, it will be worth it

I wasn't hungry. Just woke up, in fact, and I'm never hungry right when I wake up. Then I decided to do this blog post about Five Guys Burgers and Fries. Now I'm hungry.

The particular Five Guys I'm talking about is at 119th and Blackbob in Olathe, about 10 minutes from where I sleep, which just makes me incredibly happy. There's also one in Lee's Summit, and Randy Brock, one of the men about to get rich off my terrible eating habits, says they have plans for 10-12 more at a pace of 2-3 per year.

I went there for lunch on Friday with my friend Jeff Passan, who shares my love for a good burger and fries, and, non coincidentally, my love for In-N-Out. Both qualities were key here.

The first thing we noticed when we walked in is it's a clean store, and very busy. The menu's pretty simple, just the way it should be. You can get a burger. You can get fries. If you're feeling fiesty, you can get a hot dog. If you're not that hungry, you can get a "little burger," which as far as I can tell is just a single burger (order a regular burger and you get a double).

I'm a toppings guy, so Five Guys is exploiting a weakness here. You can choose between 15 toppings, all free, and they include sauteed mushrooms, fried onions, BBQ sauce, hot sauce, even A-1 as well as the standard lettuce-pickles-onions-tomatoes stuff.

They told me the wait would be 7-8 minutes after I ordered, but no way. Had to be three minutes, tops. Would've been worth a much longer wait.

They are not stingy with their fries, that's for sure. Randy told me he sometimes gets a large order of their cajun fries (I'm trying those tomorrow, just got the regulars on Friday) for lunch, and that's it.

In-N-Out will never expand to Kansas City, so the comparisons are irrelevant, but they're also unavoidable because they are the only ones playing in the elite burger-and-fry league. Please don't mention Winstead's. I love Winstead's, but that place is now Outback to Five Guys' Plaza III (at Wendy's prices).

Anyway, the fries are great. WAY better than In-N-Out, not even close. Thick, hot, got a lot of flavor. I prefer a waffle fry, but these get it done.

The main event, the burger, is worth the trip and then some. Big, perfectly messy, not too much bun, and cooked with everything on it you want.

Honestly, I still have it a very close second place to In-N-Out, but it's incredibly close, and I can see where reasonable people would disagree on it. Here's Passan's take:

"In the annals of fast-food burgers, it's a very close second to In-N-Out, and coming from someone who once ordered a Quadruple-Quadruple, that is high praise. What Five Guys has going for it: superior fries, an excellent array of toppings and a tolerable wait time. Missing, though, is the absolute perfection of hamburger that In-N-Out somehow achieves even though it's well-done and the size of a couple DVDs. If they told me the secret ingredient was heroin, I wouldn't be surprised -- and I'd probably still go back for seconds."

Also, Randy was nice enough to answer some questions over e-mail about his wonderful place. He says the hot dogs are a hidden gem on the menu. I have no reason not to believe him, but I just can't imagine myself ever going away from the burgers.

Ball Star: OK, first, congrats on making the best fast food burgers in Kansas City. Yep. Better than Winstead's. Full disclosure, I still have you guys slightly behind In-N-Out, but it's very close. What should people know about your place?

Randy: Thanks for the compliment that we are better than Winstead's. Winstead's is a KC tradition but a totally different burger than ours. I like Winstead's....but love our burgers.

In-N-Out burgers are very good and in my opinion the only other burger that compares to ours. A lot of similarities exist between Five Guys and In-N-Out: both use only fresh meat (never frozen), fresh buns and condiments, remain family owned and have menus that are essentially unchanged since their origination.

I think a big difference is that our fries are much better (and we give more of them)!! So we offer the whole package: hitting for power and on-base percentage (hey this is Ball Star right?).

Ball Star: My buddy Kevin Kaduk went to a Five Guys in Florida during spring training, he said they put an onion ring on his burger. I got no such onion ring. Is this part of a secret menu, like the one at In-N-Out? Or are you guys holding out on me?

Randy: Not sure about your buddy's onion ring experience in Florida. Are you sure he wasn't drunk and at an A&W? It's not part of our menu or free toppings choices. So we aren't holding out on you. We do have some special Five Guys "magic" we work on the burgers. I could tell you but then I would have to kill you and you wouldn't be able try our cajun fries the next time you come in! (Ball Star note: Randy's right. My bad. Kaduk was raving about the fried onion, not onion ring. My mind gets mushy when I think about food.)

Ball Star: You asked earlier for suggestions if I could think of a way to improve. Three words: late night delivery. You guys would own the town in no time.

Randy: Great idea....I'll look in to it and make sure the Ball Star World Headquarters is in our delivery radius!!