
(Again, no relevance here with the picture other than being awesome. Is it just me or is the guy on the left straining a bit to keep the bride up? And the guy doing the pouring looks downright disgusted. Hopefully he's disgusted at his sideburns and chin bush.)
David Ortiz is having his worst season since at least 2002, a season so underwhelming that the Twins released him.
He has been implicated in baseball's never-ending performance enhancing drug scandal, was batting below .200 into mid-June, is still hitting just .226, has already struck out 100 times, and publicly said he sucks.
If you're a believer in OPS+ -- adjusted on-base-plus-slugging percentages -- Ortiz is less productive this season than Henry Blanco, Ramon Castro, Willie Harris, Brendan Ryan and -- are you sitting down? -- Mike Jacobs.
And, well, Ortiz still has three more homers and five more RBIs than any Royal.
The Royals rank last among American League teams in hits, batting average, on-base percentage, wild pitches, UZR*, bullpen ERA and -- I think this one's important -- wins.
* The last thing you need is to hear again about how bad the Royals suck at defense, but their UZR of -40.5 is nearly 12 runs and 50 percent worse than the Twins, who are the second-worst. Should be a fun weekend at the K.
They are second-to-last in homers, runs, OPS, walk percentage, and errors.
So, to review: they can't hit, can't hit for power, and can't get on base but make up for it by being slow, playing bad defense, and giving up a lot of runs late in games.
They are 11-14 in Zack Greinke's starts, so if you don't mind ignoring some other factors, the Royals are hypothetically a 91-loss team on days when THE BEST PITCHER IN THE LEAGUE IS STARTING.
Alex Gordon, once relied upon to be the cornerstone of a franchise turnaround, is now in the minor leagues. The high-dollar bullpen has been the league's worst. They've been crushed by injuries, but not nearly as much as they've been crushed by bad play.
They were in first place on May 7, but are 29-62 since, which would be a 110-loss pace stretched over a full season.
They began the season with playoff hopes, and now find themselves in the race for baseball's worst record and first pick in next year's draft.
They raised the payroll more than 20 percent and opened $250 million worth of stadium renovations, only to fill it with a team that needs to finish 16-26 to avoid 100 losses.
You know, it's time for the local paper to quantify just how historically disappointing this season is.
See you Sunday.


Cub fans and Mets fans are known for their ability to cheer for their teams that are consistent loosers.
I suggest those of us who still cheer the Royals (and I do) are in a class by ourselves even in comparison to our role models cheering the Cubbies and Mets.
Why? Simple: Read this article above!
"So, to review: they can't hit, can't hit for power, and can't get on base but make up for it by being slow, playing bad defense, and giving up a lot of runs late in games."
To me this means the sad thing is you don't need to go to Omaha, Wichita, or even T-Bones to see minor league play. You can pay two to three times as much and see it at Kaufman Stadium.
Royals fans deserve some props.