It happened again last week at Kauffman Stadium, like it does in ballparks and arenas and stadiums all over the country, another well-meaning but unimaginative twerp turns the woman he loves into a between-innings stadium promotion.
Honestly. As a people, we have made much progress since the 1980s.
We no longer wear acid-washed jeans, or 23 Swatch watches, or think women with bangs two feet in the air are hot. We now see hair bands as funny, not totally rad, so why can't we move past the video board proposal?
Nobody wants to see this. It's the ultimate -- if G-rated -- get-a-room moment.
In the bleachers at Wrigley Field, dropping to a knee and showing your girlfriend a ring will get hundreds of strangers chanting at her, JUST SAY NO! JUST SAY NO! JUST SAY NO!
Those people are mostly drunk, of course, but they're also mostly right.
You see, we here at Ball Star strive to provide more than Zack Greinke talking trash, or a different look at greedy draft picks, or pointing out that, you know, the Royals' salary increase this year was pretty much average.
We also want to be of public service.
So today, if any of you are in love and thinking of dropping to a knee, please, for your sake, our sake, and (especially) the sake of your target, drop that knee somewhere you won't have to sweep away peanut shells and empty hot dog wrappers.
But don't take my word for it. Just to make sure I wasn't being a stodgy old ballwriter here, annoyed at the guy who can't choose between one of the most important moments of his life and the middle of the fifth inning, I asked Mrs. Ball Star what she thought. She was, um, emphatic:
"Women will say, 'I don't care about how you propose,' or 'I don't care about the wedding, all I care about is spending the rest of my life with you.' Bullcrap -- we care! We are the ones who have to retell your lame proposal, so make it better than doing it at a Royals game. How weak are you?"
Like I say, Mrs. Ball Star is passionate. But she's not alone. Here's my sister:
"A man proposing at a baseball game is the worst example of male inferiority. It is as if they are afraid the woman will actually say no due to some glaring flaw in their character so they hope that this ultimate form of peer pressure will somehow make her feel sorry for him and say yes. As progressive, independent, intelligent women, we should all rise up and say not just no, but hell to the no to public proposals of all kinds."
Here is a sampling of other thoughts from women:
"OMG. Every time I see that at (a) game I scream 'NNNOOOO' and it makes me laugh. Lame."
"Proposal fail. I always want the girl to be all 'no thanks.'"
"I saw a couple at the New K do that...I kept yelling DON'T DO IT!!!:) I'd only think it was cool if a New York Yankee asked me to marry him...then it would be OK:)"
So, maybe that's our standard here. If you happen to be Derek Jeter*, propose wherever the hell you want. Do it with a note that says "Check here for yes," and your supermodel target will fight someone for a pen.
* Or, actually, if we take her words literally, then even if you're Cody Ransom.
But if you are not Derek Jeter, please, for all our sakes, keep your girl off the video board, keep your proposal out of a stadium, and keep your knee out of spilled nacho cheese.
Don't be that guy who proposes at a ballgame.
As a girl who said yes (and meant it) just a few weeks ago while I was 120 feet tall on the K's jumbotron, I disagree. I thought it was the best way my fiance could've popped the question, but I think it totally depends on the girl. I LOVE the Royals. My fiance and I enjoy going to the games; its something we do on a regular basis because we have a shared love for baseball and this team. This big public display of "g-rated, get a room" affection is not for the public. Yes, its on a BIG screen in front of 30,000ish people. That doesn't make it any less personal. I will have that memory for the rest of my life. And it was great! That moment. The one where you're plastered on the big score board and you realize the guy you love and have told your girlfriends you want to spend the rest of your life with is there next to you. With a ring. And he wants to spend his life with you too. That moment, its not for you baseball fans who came to see the game and fill your gullet with peanuts, hot dogs, and beer. Its for the couple. In that moment, surrounded by all those people. The ones cheering and the drunks yelling "Don't do it!" It didn't matter. I'm sorry if that's too mushy for you all, but if you really have a problem with the proposals take that up with the people in charge at the K. But don't you dare try to ruin that moment.