Probably nothing will ever beat Gus Frerotte, the quarterback who once gave himself a concussion when he celebrated a touchdown by banging his head against a cement wall.
Frerotte will forever be the platinum standard for stupid injuries, the go-to butt of the joke when you need to make of someone for doing something dumb.
John Bale, as you've no doubt heard by now, is having his return from the DL delayed after he punched the door at his hotel room the other night.
He's actually in good Royals company, remember when Neal Musser missed the last few weeks of last season after breaking his pinky by hitting a chair in the Royals clubhouse? Thing is, I'm not sure either even makes the top 10 of silly sports injuries.
Check that. I'm sure they don't make the top 10 of silly sports injuries. Because here are 16 I found with some quick Googling this morning:
* Clint Barmes. Broke his collarbone while carrying frozen deer meat down the stairs, the food a gift from teammate Todd Helton.
* Glenallen Hill. Had a nightmare about spiders, and started sleepwalking. Into a glass table. Missed several games with cuts.
* Sammy Sosa. Missed games in 2004 with a strained ligament in his back suffered during what must have been one incredible sneeze.
* Marty Cordova. Suffered a severe sunburn at a tanning salon in May 2002.
* Padres pitcher Andy Eaton once accidentally stabbed himself in the stomach trying to open a new DVD.
* Kevin Mitchell once strained a muscle throwing up, and also chipped a tooth biting into a doughnut.
* Jeff Kent either hurt himself washing a car (his story) or popping wheelies on a motorcycle (everyone else's). Either way, he makes the list.
* Goalkeeper Santiago Canizares missed the World Cup in Korea and Japan after he dropped a bottle of cologne on his foot and severed a tendon.
* John Smoltz burned himself while trying to iron a shirt he was wearing, so even Hall of Famers can make the list.
* Chris Hanson was a kicker for the Jacksonville Jaguars, whose coach brought in an axe and a huge piece of wood to illustrate the cliche "keep chopping wood." Del Rio urged players to literally take a chop at the wood, but he should've been more specific about kickers not doing it. Hanson tried to chop one day and instead ended up cutting his own leg.
* Ken Griffey Jr. Once missed a game after his cup slipped and pinched one of his testicles. Actually, this one is totally understandable.
* Kevin Johnson, the old Suns point guard, makes the list but this one isn't his fault. He hit a game-winner and just got crushed by Charles Barkley in the celebration. Barkley's hug dislocated KJ's shoulder and he watched the next game with his arm in a sling.
* Joel Zumaya has to make the list for missing action with a strained forearm from too much Guitar Hero. In Zumaya's defense (and I promise you this is true), I have heard from several different players that he just amazing at Guitar Hero.
* Brewers pitcher Matt Wise cut the middle finger on his pitching hand with a pair of salad tongs at our own Kauffman Stadium last year. "At least it was something in my weight class," Wise said.
* Tony Allen didn't want a ref's whistle to keep him from completing a fancy dunk, so he went up to stuff it well after the play was over.. Except he landed awkwardly on his knee and needed ACL surgery.
* Moises Alou hurt his knee falling off a treadmill in 1999 and after recovering, reinjured it after running over his son on a bicyle.
* Bill Gramatica. If Frerotte is the president of the stupid injury club, Gramatica's gotta be the VP. Tore his ACL in a wild, one-man celebration after a 42-yard field goal in 2001. In his defense, it did come in the first half of a regular season game and put his team up 3-0.
John Tudor trimming his hedge?
Chris Lindley running down a train (or not)?
Steve Stipanovich?
Bale is a pathetic amateur.